The government is so busy making politics, they won’t even give people the basics. I don’t know how we landed in this conversation. The three of us are leaning against my bedroom door, just about to leave, just as the best conversations tend to start.
She is young, her English is good, her voice, serious and deep. The urgence she prints into each word can be touched. The injustice challenges her deeply. This is a story that should be told in each’s native language.
Her first statement is lapidary:
-A woman, once she marries, is no longer a person. We are turned into things, you know? I am a second wife.
I remain silent because I don’t know what to say. I would like to ask every question but I’m also scared of hurting, of assuming, of failing to assume. Luckily, my gesture comes forward and Choll explains: It is because we belong to the husband. I still can’t find what to say but she continues, faster every time, louder, but always clear, she answers my unspoken questions: We don’t like it, no! We don’t really have a choice, we can’t tell husbands that we don’t like that. Well, yes, the law now allows us to get a divorce but, the law? We are not ruled by the law here, we are ruled by custom. Besides, nobody really knows what goes on in Gambella. Who is going to get a divorce if you are gonna be judged and left without your children!
By this point I have decided the best I can do is listen, because in the midst of my own bewilderment is the one thing I have to offer. Yet unknowingly, she answers some of the questions I would have liked to ask.
That is why women tend to look so old, it is because they have had too many children and are sad. Taking care of children is a lot of work, you know? It is for that same reason that we almost never make it at job interviews. Yes, it is true that women do worse, but it’s not that they ain’t smart or willing to study. It is because we have less time, from the beginning, since we were children.
Of course we don’t like it -she repeats- but there are so many women who think that, as this is the way it has been for so long, then it can’t be different. You need to know your rights in order to fight for them, you know? Otherwise it is too scary.
I talk to my children, to all five of them, and I treat them equally so that they understand that women are people too. It is not much, but it’s a start and even that has its risks. If the father listens, he beats us.
-Would schools..? I stutter softly, sort of guessing the answer.
-No, not in here! All the teachers are male!
She thinks the solution has to be some kind of forum. A space just for women, where they could talk. Then they will be brave enough, they’ll find the strength, they’ll get to a solution.
-Do you think I made myself clear? she asks me. I have to do something.
It is sad that the women of Gambella, although they feel so lonely, are not alone.
